A letter of love from a forever wounded heart
I had a dream last night that you was still here with us.
Ever since i got that first phone call from your mum everything changed. Not just that you had left us too soon, i didn't know that yet but I had changed too. in your 3 short wonderful years you managed to change every one of mine!
When one evening I was invited over for dinner by your parents and they asked me if I would be your Godfather I felt humbled ad so so proud. The fact that they wanted me to be part of your life moved me in ways I didn't think possible. But it is from here I faltered. I would love hearing about your antics and getting pictures of you with updates, I would brag about you all the time showing friends your picture "That's my god-daughter, isn't she amazing" but in truth I didn't see you enough. Yes I work away alot but I should have made time to see you.
At the beginning of the year I was supposed to come and see you to give you your Christmas present (A toy chainsaw for my little course builder buddy) but I couldn't make it in time because work over ran. Little did I know that this was the last chance I had to see you.
When your mum called me to say that you were in hospital my stomach sank, but I thought you would be fine... you would get better. That sort of thing happens to other people. I was positive you would be OK. I came to see you in hospital, that's when it hit me. I was warned that you would be hooked up to a lot of machines and wouldn't look good. But I thought I am a fairly thick skinned tough guy, I'll be fine. Little did I know that seeing my beautiful 'Graceface' like that broke me in a way that I'm yet to understand or begin to comprehend.
I still had hope! We still had specialists to see. But then a week after I had seen you again another call from your mum, Nothing could be done and they were turning off your machines. I broke down, a complete inconsolable mess. I left work straight away to come ans see you, something I should have done 100 times before. Now it's too late.
When I got to the hospital and saw you laying there on life support it hit me the hardest, I thought I had the rest of my days to get to know you, not the rest of yours. Now its too late, I have missed it and I have changed.
I broke all over again, I didn't think I could feel any worse. i felt empty and was hit by a wave of pain that is yet to subside. Yet with that pain and loss you have taught me a lesson. To make that extra effort and to take that extra time to enjoy what I have while I can. Because of you Grace I am becoming a better person.
I just wish that it hadn't taken losing you to make it happen. You have changed me and I can never thank you!
I will love you always